Sunday, 1 November 2009

X Factor 2009 Live Auditions | Rock Week | Cheryl's Awful Dress | Jedward Rock On!

Well it was rock week on the X Factor 2009 this week on Saturday 31st of October 2009. Yes it's Halloween and the scariest thing was undoubtedly Cheryl's absolutely atrocious dress. Wow who the hell thought that was a good idea. Cheryl was wearing some thigh high hooker boots in the style of Julia Roberts in Pretty Woman. Bad Start. The dress Cheryl wore was just awful! It was a black mini dress with like fan things covering her breasts that had little piano keys on them. It was then attached to some black dog collar round her neck. Simon had to warn her at one point to keep sitting upright as it was slipping down, Cheryl Cole had to pull it back up in to place. Dannii looked much better wearing a one shouldered, floor length bronze sparkly dress with lace detail and black high heels. Bon Jovi was supposed to be mentoring this week but there was no sign of him with no explanation as to why he wasn't there. Nice one X Factor! I also noticed that Cheryl and Dannii weren't sitting next to each other anymore. Dannii had switched seats with Louis. Perhaps she didn't want to sit next to Cheryl when she was wearing that horrific dress?

On to the contestants and Dermot referred to Cheryl as the Northern Rock. Not a tag she'll be delighted about I'm sure. Joe McElderry was up first moaning about the press in his opening scenes. Boring! Simon said Joe and rock were like a mouse and a tiger. He don't stop believing by Journey and I thought it was awful. Really really bad his voice didn't suit the song at all. Joe wore a leather bikers jacket and white nautical t shirt with anchors on it. He did a strange thing when he walked round behind the judges to sing directly to the crowd but you could see all four judges straining in their seats to turn around and watch the performance. Nice one Joe. There were two stupid dancers on behind him too doing some weird dance like they were in Dirty Dancing. Simon ripped in to the dancers at the end calling them Squiddly and Diddly. Cheryl defended them saying Simon doesn't appreciate contemporary dance. I'm sorry I just couldn't take Cheryl seriously tonight because of that dress. Simon Cowell said that Joe McElderry's performance was a bit limp which was right. Then we had the dress incident which resulted in Cheryl calling Simon a prat. Dermot also stated that the song was a Newcastle anthem. Seriously?

Lucie Jones was up next doing her best Avril Lavigne/Kelly Clarkson impression. Simon was right when he called her an actress last week. I thought Lucie Jones was crap too. She sang Sweet Child O' Mine by Guns N Roses and started the performance off by lying down on a gold couch. What that had to do with anything I'll never know. She was wearing a sleeveless checked shirt with a chain mail print tank top underneath. Very trailer trash. She also had a black chunky bracelet on. The performance was full of awkward moments most noticeably when she was posing next to a guitarist against the amps. Cheryl rather patronisingly said she was like a little Avril Lavigne this week. Seriously Cheryl Cole was talking down to someone she makes me laugh so much. Simon said Lucie Jones was boring last week but much better this week. Nah she was still boring.

Danyl Johnson seemed to be pissed off that he was in the last two last week and the amount of bad press he's had this week. Someone said he was more hated than Hitler on Twitter which seemed to really get to him. Why bother Danyl I could go on Twitter right now and say the same thing but who cares if some bum like me (or the other guy) says stuff like this about you? Grow a pair and get on with it. Anyway he was wearing a black waistcoat and white shirt this week and Danyl Johnson sang Aerosmith's I Don't Wanna Miss a Thing but it was pretty average it was like his heart wasn't really in it. Dannii said he looked like he's lost his mojo and was a bit out of tune. Cheryl said his performance made her feel uncomfortable and didn't do it for her. I guess the thing that really does it for her is a cheating husband eh Cheryl? Danyl's body language spoke volumes at the end he stood with his hands in his pockets dying to get off stage.

Lloyd Daniels continues to get worse and worse. I'd say he's at least on a par with Jedward now. They had him sitting on a throne with girls all round him kissing his face leaving lipstick marks everywhere. He was singing Katie Perry's I Kissed A Girl and I Liked It. I think it's about time this kid was kicked off the show, we're at the stage now where he's getting drowned out by the backing singers. I think Lloyd Daniels is only being kept in because of his looks. Louis Walsh was moaning again about the fact that he wasn't singing a rock song with Simon making fun of Louis for complaining. They started to argue over the top of Cheryl's comments then she told them both to shut up. I wish she hadn't and they could have drowned out her horrible accent. Goes right through me. I think Lloyd Daniels has a big following on facebook because they started talking about that but to be honest I don't really care.

Horse faced Stacey Solomon was up next and I'd have to say she appears to be the stupidest contestant who's been on the X Factor for some time. She says thanks with an 'F'. It looked like Dannii had forgotten her name at the start when she was introducing her. Maybe the Botox has leaked in to her brain. Stacey Solomon sang Somewhere Only We Know by Keane in a totally non rock fashion. Her vocals were good though but again she's cheating a bit. She wore a black dress with silver tassles over the top of black leather leggings and high heels. Louis said the song choice was boring which was right. Simon was talking about an X Factor miracle compared to last week.

Commercial break, they must have came back to soon as all the judges were just getting back to their seats from a bathroom break I guess. Jamie Archer was next up singing Primal Scream's Get Your Rocks Off. He had a black leather/PVC jacket on with a silver guitar motif on the back like all true rock stars wear. It was cheesy. Why is someone who wants to be a rock star on this talent show anyway? Go get yourself a band Jamie Archer. Why does he have that stupid towel in his back pocket does anyone know? To catch the bugs that fall out of his Afro? He looked like he was wearing a lot of makeup too. Louis said he wasn't a real rock star and was simply a Lenny Kravitz impersonator. Cheryl got a bit bitchy by saying the only reason we have rock week on the X Factor is because Simon has a rock artist. The audience didn't seem to like it too much probably because of the bitchy nature. Dermot was then joking about Louis reading NME and Kerrang.

Rachel Adedji wore a strapless pink leopard print dress with a black belt and sang One by U2. It seems that Dannii is determined to make her look like Rhianna even changing her hair to match this week. Louis commented that it was an emotional performance from Rachel. Simon said that Dannii was trying to make Rachel her clone with that hairstyle, Dannii fired back with a joke about Simon's hair. It would have been funny if she just left the joke alone but she continued to overdo it.

Ok now the time everyone's been waiting for... John and Edward aka Jedward as their fans now call them. They both wore long leather trench coats, ghetto blaster t shirts, and heavy eyeliner which did not match the song they picked at all! I have no idea what looking goth has to do with Queen, but anyway Jedward sang We Will Rock You by Queen. Once again the performance was over the top with dancers, motorcycles, fire. Again all this drama was need to try and hide the fact that Jedward was out of tune, forgot the word in parts, and were both totally out of time with the song. At one point during the performance they jumped into the crowd of backup dancers and were being lifted around. At the end of the performance a lot of the crowd was booing which once again makes no sense since they seem to be the most popular act on X Factor. All the judges minus Louis agreed that the look and the song made no sense. John and Edward looked like they were dressed for Halloween and overall looked pretty scary. Simon said that their performance was like night of the living dead and was out of tune.

Last of the night was Olly Murs. He wore a blue denim shirt and jeans. He sang Come Together by The Beatles. At one point in the performance for no apparent reason he decided to rip his shirt open!

I don't know but every week on X Factor seems to get weirder and weirder

Sunday 1st of November 2009 - The Results!

Rachel Adedji got the boot this week which is no surprise since she survived by the skin of her teeth a few times now. We started off tonight's show with the usual dramatic entrance from the judges. Cheryl wore something a little less disgusting tonight, a black top with shoulder strap crossover, sparkly trousers and black peep toe heels. Dannii wore a black satin knee length shift dress with black belt, black heels and puff sleeves. She had her hair crimped like it was the 80's.

The contestants came out to the usual mime routine singing Walk This Way by Aerosmith/Run DMC. They were wearing outfits in red white and black and to be honest they couldn't be any less rock if they'd tried. Why were they miming again? We had backing dancers break dancing and the contestants were jumping up and down like extras from High School Musical. Someone was hanging from monkey bars at one point. Stacey Solomon's accent was coming through in the song, "FANKS huhuhuhu!" you know how it goes.

We were treated to some backstage footage of Danyl Johnson crying after last nights performance, I think he was complaining about not being able to hear the start of the song. Louis was talking about Jamie Archer thinking he's a rocker but he's really a pretend Karaoke rocker. He also added that Jedward would sell more records than Dannii Minogue which is why she hates them so much. I think I've sold more records than Dannii though so I guess she hates me too?

Special guest Bon Jovi were then up singing We Weren't Born to Follow. At least they did it live but it wasn't very rock just a radio friendly dirge. Boring. Jon Bon Jovi has great teeth though. And hair. He advised the contestants to listen to every word Simon says as he knows his stuff. He didn't comment on the other three judges but why would he. One's there to be Simon's whipping boy and the other two are there for a bit of fluff. Dermot then wanted to high five Richie Sambora because it was a childhood dream. Simon then went on to make a big announcement which was that Cheryl's garbage single was still number one and unbelievably her album was number 1 also. It's frightening. Simon congratulated her and jokingly asked her to come to his record label. They both laughed and hugged and he kissed her on the cheek. Lets all laugh at how much money we can all make. Sickening. Simon went on to predict that Jedward would be in the bottom two how wrong can you be.

Last years runners up JLS came on to perform some over produced nonsense called Everyone In Love. They seem to be an American band now like it's an User or Ne-Yo song they're performing. The performance was very polished with a dance breakdown, fireworks on raising platforms and the crowd going wild. JLS definitely put on a better show than the mime routine of the X Factor contestants. Simon gave them a lot of praise saying acts like them are the reason that he does the show. Dermot then started joking about how he's still waiting for his merchandise from the band.

On to the results! Jedward go through to a chorus of boos from the crowd. We were left with Rachel Adedji and Lloyd Daniels with Lloyd complaining about a sore throat. Has he had a sore throat since the start of the show? No? Must just be me. Cheryl was getting the excuses in early saying Lloyd was poorly before he sang his second show. He sang You Are So Beautiful by Stevie Wonder and I thought he was once again out of tune. This kid can't sing. His voice broke a few times and he gave up far too easily with the high notes. He just couldn't hit the high notes and seemed to be looking for sympathy from the crowd. Rachel sang Stop Crying Your Heart Out by Oasis and to be honest she overdid the vocals quite a bit. She did a decent job though and put a lot of emotion into the song. When Dermot brought the contestants together Lloyd reached round and gave Rachel a squeeze on the shoulder for a bit of support.

Dannii chose to keep Rachel, Louis chose to keep Rachel, Cheryl choose Lloyd and Simon mistakenly said Rachel sang better than Olly. Louis had to correct Simon who then apologised saying he's not with it tonight and corrected himself. Despite the fact that he said Rachel sang better and everyone and their grandma realised this he still choose to keep Lloyd because he was 'sick'. DEADLOCK! The drama of X Factor is crazy. Rachel then got kicked out for having the fewest votes from the public, she started crying and looked gutted. Perhaps she's too much like Leona Lewis and Alexandra Burke to win X Factor this year.

Special guests next week are the Black Eyed Peas and Leona Lewis. Yippee!


  1. Has it occurred to you yet that all the anti X-Factor votes are concentrated on one act? Whereas all the sensible votes are split across many great acts? And who would want the act that can't sing to win more than any other act? The rival tv companies! With X-Factor disgraced, they can look to boosting their own ratings. The Louis Walsh Aggravation Factor will continue apace right through to the finals.

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