X Factor 2009 Live Auditions | Big Band Night | Michael Buble | Danyl Johnson | John & Edward Still Here!

It was Big Band night on the X Factor this week with the episode being shown on Saturday the 24th of October 2009. Once again the show has been split in to two episodes with the results of tonight's show being announced on Sunday the 25th of October 2009. The judges upped the X Factor 2009 style stakes again this week with Cheryl wearing a one shouldered white floor length Greek inspired dress. This was complimented with a diamond hair accessory. Dannii Minogue wore a floor length sheer dark gray lace sparkly dress with chandelier silver earrings. Louis Walsh was back this week and I thought he looked terrible. He must have had a hard time with Stephen Gately's death as you can definitely see the difference in him. The mentor this week was Michael Buble since it was big band night.

I must say the best part of this episode was the fact that Louis Walsh and Simon Cowell were bantering back and forth the entire night and in some parts it got quite catty which makes it even more entertaining.

Olly Murs kicked off the night. He was wearing a white tuxedo shirt, black trousers, black bow-tie, and braces. He had the help of several female backing dancers. His backup dancers were wearing short black dresses and witches hats to tie in with the theme of the song he was singing. Olly sang The Bewitched theme song by Howard Greenfield and Jack Keller. For the first time in weeks Olly looked visibly nervous, big band is obviously not his cup of tea. He tried to cover his nervousness by doing stupid dance moves that really didn't work with the theme of the show this week. Also, I wonder if anyone watching had the same question as me: Did Olly Murs have something stuffed down the front of his trousers? and if so: What was stuffed down the front of Olly's trousers? I bet it was one of John or Edwards socks. I definitely think he must of had a bit of artificial enhancement down below because it was bordering on obscene! Also the bulge hung to the left, so unless Olly was channeling Terry Wogan what was going on down there? Moving on from those questions, Simon Cowell told Olly, I know what it's like working with two witches. Ohhh catty! Simon also commented that Olly had style, grace, and charisma.

Lloyd Daniels was next and he was in trouble before he even came out onstage and started singing. In the interviews they show before the performances Simon Cowell ominously stated: I hope Cheryl doesn't pick some obvious song like Fly Me To The Moon for him. Well Simon may have a future as a psychic because that's exactly the song Cheryl picked for Lloyd, Fly Me To The Moon by Frank Sinatra. Lloyd wore a white tuxedo shirt, white waistcoat, black skinny tie, and black tuxedo pants. Since he's only 16 he definitely didn't have the maturity to sing any type of big band song and honestly I feel like he should be in school rather than on X Factor. During his performance he gave a cheesy wink at the camera that was truly cringeworthy. His voice was totally drowned out by the band and maybe for that we should be grateful since he was singing in a monotone fashion anyway. To make up for the make that he can't sing he decided to do a backflip on stage halfway through the song. Well as you can imagine that went down like a lead boat. After the backflip Simon immediately shot Lloyd a dirty look, oh if only looks could kill then we'd have one less performance to sit through! I also feel like besides being rubbish he has a very vacant look, I don't know if that is down to age or what. Louis Walsh stated that Lloyd needed to be part of a group or boyband in order to become successful. In a classic Simon Cowell quip he stated: Doing a backflip while singing Fly Me To The Moon is like eating a sandwich while swimming. I found that quite funny. He also told Lloyd he needed to get some confidence.

Onto one of the more promising acts, Miss Frank. They wore similar black and white pinstriped suits and Graziella was holding a cane. The trio sang a jazzier version of That's Life by Frank Sinatra. Miss Frank had been critized in previous weeks for not gelling together as a group, I have to say they did a better job with that this week. No one sang over each other, the only part of their performance I didn't like was Graziella's rapping. She somehow worked Simon and Louis' name into her rap, which in my opinion isn't very hip hop it's more like looking for brownie points from the judges. Graziella seems to hog the limelight a little bit which I hope won't work against them in the future. However, I seems to be in the minority since all the judges loved the rapping and at the end of the song the audience gave them a standing ovation. Also, I don't know what happened at the end of Miss Frank's performance when Graziella wobbled a bit and ended up banging into Shaniece. Simon said it was the first time they looked like a group and he genuinely hoped that they would stay in the competition. While Dermot O'Leary was asking Miss Frank for a response they all started talking and forgot to hold the mic up to their mouth so everyone could hear what they were saying! Man, no one said you had to be smart to be on X Factor.

Next up was Rachel Adedji and she had a lot to prove this week. After Rachel had been in the bottom two for the last two weeks running, she really had to give it everything she had to make sure it didn't happen again. Dannii Minogue finally fixed Rachel's hair and she had a bob this week instead of looking like a Rhianna clone. I guess Dannii finally got the message that it wasn't smart to make Rachel Adedji look like Rhianna. However, in saying that her outfit was a little weird. She wore a neon multicolored sequined mini dress that made her look like she could of been an extra in the movie Tron. But enough of that, Rachel chose to sing Proud Mary by Tina Turner. She had the help of female backup dancers who wore short gold sequined dresses. In my opinion Rachel's voice was getting lost in the grandeur of the horns and her voice is better suited to slow songs or ballads. She definitely didn't put the same amount of energy into Proud Mary as Tina Turner did that's for sure! Once again the judges really seemed to like it and Simon said it was like seeing a brand new competitor and thank god you lost the silly haircut. He further added: You had a superb performance and great vocals. So there's hope that Rachel will not end up in the bottom two this week.

Up next was Jamie Archer aka Jamie Afro. He wore a white tuxedo shirt, a black bowtie that was left untied around his neck because he's an idiot, and black sparkly pants. I really wish someone would grab a shaver and shave off Jamie's afro in the middle of the night while he was sleeping. He sang Angel O'Mine by Aynsley Lister however, later Louis said the song was by U2. Hmm, I think Louis might be wrong. Jamie Archer is a real showman onstage there's no doubting that, but the guy is a rubbish singer. After the performance, Louis was a bit aggravated and told Jamie that he cheated by not singing a big band song and in no way is Bono big band. I have to say that I don't often agree with Louis, but that is cheating. Simon retaliated with the nasty comment: You're not one to preach to us about musical taste knowing the two horrors that are coming out here! The two horrors were John and Edward, I guess that's Simon's new pet name for them.

Stacey Solomon aka Horse Face performed next. She wore a floor length one shoulder cross strapped silver sparkly dress. She gave some sob story about how she wanted to sing this song for her son. Michael Buble specifically told her to pretend she was singing it directly to her son so that the emotion would come through, but I guess Horse Face Stacey must of been thinking about jumping fences or something and failed to listen. Stacey sang When You Wish Upon A Star by Jiminy Cricket aka Cliff Edwards. As I said before because she chose to ignore Michael Buble's advice the performance had no emotion. Simon said that she looked better than she sounded, the whole thing was very robotic, and she need to learn some performance skills. Dannii then proceeded to tell a story that this week Stacey Solomon came running into her room in a flood of tears and was having a bad week. Stacey looked very uncomfortable at the fact that Dannii had shared such a personal story and what was obviously a private moment.

Danyl Johnson has become my favorite competitor in this competition, while I really didn't like him at first I think he has become a lot more humble and toned down his over the top performances. He wore a white tuxedo shirt, black suit, and untied black bowtie. He sang the song Feeling Good by Nina Simone. I think this was an excellent song choice for him, and the song style really suited him. Not only did Danyl Johnson sing the song really well, but he definitely put on an entertaining performance. After he finished Simon gave him a standing ovation. Simon also told Danyl that he is in a completely different league to the rest of the contestants. Louis told him he was born to sing and entertain.

Another snoozer was next, Joe McElderry. He said he was going to be sexy for this performance and to be honest I think I could hear Simon laughing from my couch. He wore a black ugly suit that was very reminiscent of Hugh Hefner's smoking jacket. Joe sang Sway by Dean Martin. Talk about robotic, his salsa dance moves were as stiff as you can get. The dance moves also looked really cheesy and made him look a little creepy. The performance on the whole I could liken to one you would see on a cruise ship. Simon came up with a weird analogy but somehow I think it was correct, he said: You've got as much Latin flair as a dolphin.

A surprisingly good performance tonight came from Lucie Jones. Lucy sang My Funny Valentine from the show Babes In Arms. She wore a black and red floor length dress which was accesorized by a chunky black ring. The arrangement of the song was in the style so that Lucie could sing the song in a sexy, sultry fashion. I think this was a good choice for her, and her voice really suited big band. Overall, she did a pretty good job. However, the only thing that would ruin the whole sultry thing was the fact that Lucie had a big spot on her chin and the camera kept zooming in on it. Her performance ended in a shower of pink rose petals, one of which got stuck in her hair. She had the rose petal in her hair during the judges comments until Simon pointed it out to her, she just laughed, took it out, and said thank you. Simon commented that she sang the song like an actress and an angry Louis shouted: What are you looking for?!

The last and also most controversial act of the competition, John and Edward. Before their performance Simon claimed that if John and Edward win X Factor he will leave the country. I mean come on now is that really a threat? Oh poor Simon what will you do leave the rainy UK to go spend time in you multimillion dollar home in LA like you do anyway? Please! Anyway, John and Edward sang She Bangs by Ricky Martin and what that had to do with big band I really couldn't tell you. Also those two little slugs haven't banged anything yet except maybe their head when they were younger, which would explain a lot. Continuing their awful taste in fashion they wore similar suits, one in red and one in lime green. They also had backing dancers to try to take the attention away from them, the girls wore polka dot bras and tutus. During the song when one of the girls came to dance between the twins they both looked visibly uncomfortable. Also, for half the song John and Edward forgot to actually sing, what's up with that? It is a singing competition after all! Of course they added the obligatory embarrassing dance moves that correlate to the lyrics of the song, akin to something you'd see at 3 in the morning on See Hear. Another bizarre moment during their performance was when the twins got down on all fours and girls pretend to ride them like they were horses. Stacey Solomon must of been thanking her lucky stars that they didn't try that with her. After the performance finished John and Edward received boo's from the crowd and someone in the audience shouted RUBBISH! Simon said the song was appalling, to which Louis fired back: Simon once signed a group called Zig and Zag. Cheryl confessed that the twins had become her guilty pleasure. John and Edward proceeded to thank Simon for the dance moves and they left.

Results to follow!

Miss Frank Kicked Out

Well if you're wondering who was kicked off X Factor on Sunday October 25th, the answer is Miss Frank aka Graziella Affinita, Shaniece Davis, and Shar Alexandra.

I must start by saying I wasn't the biggest fan of Cheryl and Dannii's dresses tonight, they were a bit wacky for my taste. Cheryl wore a strange silver sequined dress that was very short and resembled either snake skin or scales. Cheryl's dress also had quite a revealing V neck and and long sleeved bolero in the same style as her dress. Dannii wore a flesh colored halterneck knee length dress, which had lace details and silver sparkles.

So the song all the contestants had to mime this week was Fascination by Alphabeat. All the contestants wore black and white themed outfits. For some reason this week all the dancing and singing to Alphabeat was incredibly cheesy. Danyl Johnson is still really bad a miming and after 3 weeks John and Edward are still out of time with the music! It really got a bit much when they broke out white tambourines and threw them up in the air as well as banging it on their bums.

Westlife are apparently trying to make a comeback and were on X Factor to promote their new single What About Now. The boyband performed the song and they were pretty dull as normal, but have moved away from sitting on chairs, wait for it...they're now standing while they sing ballads. Westlife seemed to be trying to go for a mature Take That type of sound, but it just wasn't working for them.

Host Dermot O'Leary commented that last night's episode with all the bantering between Louis and Simon was like watching an episode of Grumpy Old Men.

Michael Buble was also on the show singing his new single Cry Me A River. He was dressed in a black tuxedo and looked very James Bond. This quite fit in with the theme of the song since it reminded me of a James Bond movie theme song. While I'm not a Michael Buble fan, I have to admit the guy does have a powerful voice and put on an effortless performance. After Michael finished the song someone from the audience screamed I LOVE YOU! Michael responded by saying: I love you too stranger in the dark! When Dermot asked Michael who his favorite contestant was he said it was Rachel Adedji adding: She blew me away.

After his interview with Michael Buble, Dermot had a bit of a dig at past X Factor guests like Robbie Williams and Whitney Houston by saying: It's so nice to interview an international star that isn't weird.

Miss Frank and Danyl Johnson found themselves in the bottom two this week and both had to sing for their survival.

Miss Frank chose to sing Love Don't Live Here Anymore by Lady Antebellum, this turned out to be a bad song choice for them. Their voices worked against each other and they didn't looked like they gelled as group again. Graziella tried to upstage Shaniece and Shar by standing in front of them and doing her rap again. Graziella's rap has become really annoying and totally lost its novelty factor.

I cannot believe that Danyl Johnson was in the bottom two considering he had the best performance on Saturday night. It was obvious that Simon was not happy about this either saying: I think it's a joke you're in this position. Danyl sang With A Little Help From My Friends by The Beatles. He starting slipping back into his bad habits of going a bit over the top, but in saying that he still put on a great performance and gave it a lot of effort.

Louis decided to keep Miss Frank of course, Simon voted for Danyl, Dannii voted for Danyl, and stupid Cheryl couldn't make up her peabrain and decided to make it a deadlock decision by voting for Miss Frank.

As I said the vote was Deadlocked and the result depended on the public voted, which luckily Danyl Johnson got the most public votes and stays in the competition.

Miss Frank claimed they were going to stay together as a group and keep performing, yeah right I bet you they won't even make it out of the building together, but at least we don't have to hear anymore silly rapping so bye bye!

On next week's X Factor the mentor will be Bon Jovi and musical guest JLS

X Factor 2009 - Live Auditions 2 - Saturday 17th October

The 2nd live audition of X Factor 2009 was shown on Saturday 17th of August and had the usual mix of outstanding performances and unusual song choices! We're down to 11 contestants at this stage after Kandy Rain getting kicked out in the first X Factor 2009 live audition. The theme of tonight's show was Diva song's in honour of special guest Whitney Houston. Clive Davis was also present he discovered Whitney Houston's talent many years ago and Simon Cowell paid tribute to him at the start calling Clive Davis his mentor.

Dannii Minogue was sporting some awful birds nest hairdo tonight who knows what she was thinking. Louis Walsh was still not present after the death of Stephen Gately. Lucie Jones was first up wearing a blue mini dress that seemed to make her legs go on for miles. She's looking much better now after the X Factor makeover. That idiot dance coordinator guy Brian Friedman popped up to tell us some unimportant rubbish. Lucie Jones sang How Will I Know by Whitney Houston and went for more of a dance routine this time rather than the way she usually does it. Simon Cowell told her she's never going to be Whitney which we all know but it was a decent performance.

Olly Murs was up next. The most boring man on the planet was wearing a gray silver suit with black skinny tie and white shirt. Olly Murs sang Tina Turner's A Fool In Love and I thought the whole thing was a bit karaoke. Olly Murs seems to have developed some sort of awful leg shake thing when he sings that Dermot has dubbed the 'Olly Shake'. It's awful. Cheryl said this was the best performance that Olly Murs has done.

Miss Frank were up next and Shar seemed to have a bracelet on that looked like an acorn. Hmm. Miss Frank were dressed up in black and red outfits tonight I guess they're still trying to keep their own individual styles. They sang He Fills Me Up by Whitney Houston. I thought it was OK, Simon didn't! He said it was awful and got the crowds back up in his usual panto bad guy style. Simon did have another little argument with Cheryl Cole. Cheryl said it took Girls Aloud 2 years to get their act together properly. Simon said it was more like three.

Rachel Adedji was gushing over Whitney Houston a bit during the rehearsal. She started off her performance lying down on the stage and sang If I Were A Boy by Beyonce. Rachel Adedji was wearing a denim military jacket and black leather trousers. Dermot O'Leary was complaining about her heels as she was towering over him. I wonder how tall Dermot O'Leary is? Simon Cowell said he liked it but didn't love it as it was too close to the original song.

Joe McElderry as he now seems to be known sang Whitney Houston's Where Do Broken Hearts Go and was dressed all in black. He did a good job I just find him really boring, almost Olly Murs dull. Joe McElderry is the new Gareth Gates. Everyone loved it including the judges I think Simon made a little joke about him improving his performance by working with his big sister which might have been in reference to Cheryl. Definitely some relation there!

Danyl Johnson sang a new Whitney Houston song which is off her new album. Something about strength or being strong. Maybe I Didn't Know My Own Strength. Danyl Johnson kept his fashion simple wearing a black shirt and jeans. Dannii said his performance was flawless.

Lloyd Daniels started off with some garbage from the vocal coach Yvie Burnett. Who Cares. He sang an absolutely awful version of Leona Lewis's Bleeding Love. Oh my did Cheryl give him bad advice on song choice or what. Lloyd Daniels was wearing a gray shirt and waistcoat. He looked like he was frozen to the spot for the whole song and the whole thing didn't really work for him. Simon Cowell said it was like a mouse trying to climb a mountain, the song was far too big for him. Cheryl started crying at this point and tried to explain why she chose this song and how she took responsibility. Lloyd Daniels jumped over to give her a hug and make her feel a bit better.

John and Edward sang Britney Spears Oops I did it Again. Just when you think these kids couldn't get anymore annoying they step up with this performance. There was some terrible dancing with luggage carts and unfortunately for us they decided to copy Britney and wear the red PVC suits. Terrible. John and Edward are like the male version of the Cheeky Girls. They walked behind the judges for the talking part of the song and one of the gave the other a piece of jewelery just like in the Britney Spears video it was terrible. Simon said, what the bloody hell was that? He also said it was the worst live performance he's ever seen on X Factor.

My favourite Rikki Loney still hasn't got that annoying eyebrow fixed. He had a black suit and purple scarf on. Whitney Houston seemed to be a bit annoyed at Rikki Loney as he'd chosen to sing Respect by Aretha Franklin. Mostly because Rikki Loney is garbage and couldn't do the song justice. Simon said he turned from a pub singer to a wedding singer and the song was too big for him.

Jamie Archer sang Christina Aguilera's Hurt and wore a white v neck t shirt and a silver shark tooth necklace. Does anyone know why he wears a towel in his back pocket? I know he's trying to make it his thing but why? It's ridiculous. Simon said he was perfect.

Stacey Solomon was wearing a one shoulder strapped black polka dot knee length dress. She sang Etta James's At Last. Simon said that Stacey Solomon looked uncomfortable the whole time but I thought her performance went well.

Results will follow on Sunday the 18th of October 2009.

Rikki Loney Kicked Out

Well once again the results show was filled with controversy. First off I have to get into Cheryl Cole and Danni Minogue's dresses. Dannii Minogue was wearing a fuchsia strapless, ruffled mini dress accessorized with a wide black belt. What was the deal with Dannii Minogue's hair?! It looked like she was channeling a trailer park with her mullet style hairdo. I guess for this show Dannii was all business in the front and party in the back. Cheryl Cole looked much better as always, she was wearing a gold sequined, strapless mini dress. Has anyone ever noticed the shoes Dannii and Cheryl wear, I always wonder how high their shoes are and what size are they?

To kick off the show once again all the contestants had to preform the obligatory ridiculous mime to a song. Irish twins John and Edward definitely gave away the fact that the song wasn't sung live, come on these two nuggets can't even mime a song properly! This week the song was Queen of the Night by Whitney Houston. Obviously this song was picked in honor of Whitney's appearance on the show. So all in all that part of the show is just to waste time because the people aren't even singing live.

While on the subject of not singing live, there has been many rumors floating around this week that X Factor judge Cheryl Cole may not preform her new single Fight For This Love live. I heard that people had said that she was intimidated by having to preform on the same night as Whitney Houston, so she'd rather pre-record the track and mime. Although when it came down to it I have to give her credit Cheryl Cole sang live and did a pretty good job. Fellow Girls Aloud bandmates, Nadine Coyle, Sarah Harding, Nicola Roberts, and Kimberly Walsh, were there to support Cheryl. Ashley Cole affair (as I like to call him), Cheryl's husband, was also on hand I guess to support but once again he just looked like an idiot that would rather be somewhere else than at the X Factor supporting his wife, Ashley Cole is such a sleaze! Cheryl wore a red military jacket, military style hat, black trousers that were open at the sides, and a black sheer top. She also had about 50 backing dancers who were all men dressed in military uniforms. The funniest part after the performance was when Dermot O'Leary was talking to Cheryl she had red lipstick all smudge on her chin from the mic. Dermot also asked Simon Cowell what he thought of the performance, which was kind of stupid because of course he gave Cheryl loads of praise and said her single would be #1 this week. Cheryl finished off by thanking everyone for letting her be on the show and supporting her as a new judge. However, isn't she a little late with this thank you speech since she's been on the show 2 years already?!

Ok, now it was time for Whitney Houston's performance which was supposed to be her big UK comeback and her first UK performance in 10 years. This all seemed pretty promising as on Saturday Whitney was back in fine form and actually giving the contestants good advice. However, Whitney Houston's comeback looked like it was on shaky ground after her performance of her new single Million Dollar Bill. Million Dollar Bill is an uptempo song and Whitney looked like she couldn't keep up the pace and her vocals were definitely not what they once were. Whitney also had a wardrobe malfunction during her song, the back strap of her silver floor length sparkly dress broke. She's singing a song about million dollar bills and she's got on a cheap quality dress that breaks when you're just singing not even dancing what's that about? Also, during the song money exploded onto the stage, I think Whitney confused herself with a big time rapper or something. After the song, Whitney looked absolutely exhausted as she spoke with Dermot, and I don't know if anyone else noticed that she seemed to be a bit spaced out like she used to be. Dermot also commented on the fact that Whitney didn't sugar coat what she thought of any of the contestants singing, she said Yeah that's why Simon calls me lippy. She followed that by saying I just speak my mind exactly like Simon Cowell. So in summary I don't think the old Whitney Houston diva is back to 100% yet.

On a side note I found it a little weird that during the show Simon Cowell's mic broke and he had to use Dermot's.

So the bottom two this week came down to once again the poor Rachel Adedji who looked like she was going to have a nervous breakdown when she realized she was in the bottom two for a second week in a row. Rikki Loney was also in the bottom two with his one weird eyebrow that sticks up, really you're telling me they couldn't have fixed that by now?

Rachel decided to sing With or Without You by U2. She was visibly upset and frustrated that she had a pretty decent performance on Saturday but still managed to end up here again. She just shook her head as she walked down the stairs to begin the song. Once again she did a pretty decent job, a little gravely in parts, but after the song she completely lost it and broke down into tears.

Rikki Loney sang Westlife's Flying Without Wings because he claimed it was his favorite song, well if that's the case he really needs to get out more. While the judges voted Rikki kept begging please, please, please it was really quite pathetic.

Since Louis was absent again he couldn't cast a vote, Dannii voted for Rachel to stay, Cheryl voted for Rikki to stay, and the deciding vote came down to Simon who wanted Rachel to stay in the competition. Rikki starting crying and Cheryl came onstage to give him a hug, when Dermot asked Cheryl her thoughts on this outcome she said I just can't believe that this has happened Rikki has been voted out and John and Edward get to stay here. Oooh snap! But she is right John and Edward have stayed in the competition for entertainment value.

Well Rikki Loney is out and must pack his bags and return to Glasgow, bye bye!

X Factor 2009 - Live Auditions Episode 1 - Results

The first X Factor 2009 Live audition aired on Saturday the 10th of October 2009 with the theme of the show being musical heroes. This basically meant every second song was a Robbie Williams number since he was the guest. The theme every week is how Simon Cowell can make more money. We only saw Robbie Williams coaching the talent earlier in the day I'll assume we'll see him and Alexandra Burke on the new format results show which is being shown on Sunday the 11th of October. The judges came out to the usual dramatic X Factor music with the fireworks going off. Dannii Minogue had a magenta/purple floor length halter neck dress on. Cheryl Cole had a strange looking strapless, knee length golden sequined poofy ball skirt dress on. It was Simon Cowell's birthday so Dermot started things off by wishing him a happy birthday. Simon teased Dermot O'Leary about the state he was in at Simons calling it disgusting behaviour birthday party with Dannii Minogue adding that he was out till 5am. I've noticed that quite a few times people have said they 'want what the stars' want which is beginning to make everyone sound materialistic and only interested in making money! Maybe they are only here to make money who knows? Everyone wants to be rich and famous!

On to the singing, Rachel Adedji sang first wearing a blue and white striped sweater with blue jeans and red heels. She sang Let Me Entertain You by Robbie Williams. Dannii said it was like Rhianna singing Robbie which I thought was an insult since Rhianna is garbage but I think she meant it as a compliment. Rachel Adedji had dancers all around her wearing make up like Kiss and Simon Cowell described it as repulsive. Her performance was pretty good though.

Kandy Rain were up next and were dreadful as usual. I'd be surprised if they make it through week 1. Kandy Rain sang Robert Palmer's Addicted to Love God rest his soul. Their outfits were terrible they just looked like trashy strippers which they are if you read the tabloids. One of them had a bow horn thing in her hair made out of....hair? Dannii and Cheryl said Kandy Rain were dressed too provocatively which led to a tasty argument between Simon and Cheryl. Rubbish. I'm not saying Kandy Rain are any worse than anyone else for their reasons for being on the show, they look desperate to be rich and famous and make as much money as they can. We were treated to the odd interlude by 'creative director' Brian Friedman like anyone gave a crap. He's the guy who always puts some backing dancers in roller skates.

Olly Murs was up next who seems to be the most boring man since Will Young. Yvie Burnett the vocal coach was on for dramatic effect. He sang Robbie Williams She's the One and was ok. Boring but a good performance. Olly Murs Fred Perry shirt looked cool with a skinny black tie. I noticed tonight that he dances like Chris Martin from Coldplay which is not a good thing. Robbie Williams said he wants to be Olly Murs mate. Olly Murs doesn't come across is fame hungry like the others but I'm sure if he was to make a bit of money out of an X Factor success he wouldn't be complaining.

Rikki Loney, do I really want to waste my time on this little toad? Seriously, he had on a purple suit tonight which made him look like Austin Power's retarded urchin brother. He even walked over to the piano to put on his silly little purple hat. His opening scenes showed him singing in The Old Ship Bank in Glasgow then right afterward he started going about how much he wants to get away from singing in pubs with people who aren't interested. So if you book the talent in The Old Ship Bank don't hire this little fool again as he thinks he's too good for your pub. Rikki Loney sang Amy Winehouse's Back to Black. Blah blah no one cares, don't vote him or Kandy Rain. He is one guy who I do think is only here for the fame and fortune! Don't buy his records folks (if he wins) he'll only spend the money on silly little hats.

Stacey Solomon, gallops on again like Red Rum in the Grand National. I think she's had the worst makeover out of everyone so far. She looked much better doing her own style. She sang some horrible version of The Scientist by Coldplay. It went over ok with the judges and the audience though. Stacey Solomon was wearing fitted blue jeans, a waist belt and a white Marilyn Monroe t shirt. Simon Cowell told Stacey Solomon that she's no idea how good she could be.

Miss Frank were excellent. One of the best performances of the night. They were all dressed smartly in black and sang Who's Loving You by the Jackson 5. Simon Cowell said the 'two bookends' were also excellent not just Graziella Affinita. I thought that was a bit unfair as Shar Alexandra and Shaniece Davis have been amazing through the competition it just seems that Graziella Affinita is getting all the attention. Simon couldn't even remember Shar Alexandra's name.

Jamie Archer was back with a trimmed afro. It still looks awful though. He came out wearing a blue military jacket with a white t shirt containing the album covers of punk bands such as the Sex Pistols just to show his rock star credentials. I think Jamie Archer was also wearing eye liner. Jamie Archer sang Get It on Bang a Gong by T Rex and was pretty average as usual.

Lloyd Daniels had his birdshit hair style back again and they had lots of closeups of his piercing blue eyes purely for the girls I'm sure. He looked really stiff on stage and interacting with the dancers was awkward. He sang Justin Timberlake's Cry Me A River but ducked all the high notes so I don't know why he tried to sing this? Lloyd Daniels dressed like Justin Timberlake too wearing a black waistcoat and hoody combination. Cheryl said he'll have a lot of girls crying rivers for him.

Lucie Jones escaped the dungeon that she lives in to make another appearance on the X Factor 2009 live Auditions. She sang Leona Lewis Footprints in the Sand. It's the first time I've heard this song and its truly awful. I think she ducked hitting the high notes as well but Lucie Jones did enough to get through. My favourite part was when the switched on the wind machine for dramatic effect but the only thing it did was blow Lucie Jones's hair in her mouth affecting her singing. She was wearing a purple dress in the style of a Greek Goddess. Pass.

John and Edward the Irish Twins have apparently been getting a hard time from the tabloids but it doesn't seem to affect them any. Robbie Williams seemed to be impressed by them calling John and Edward the Tornadoes of Talk. We were shown the twins sitting at a table reading the tabloids then throwing them away in disgust. They love the attention really. So on to John and Edwards performance. For a start they were lowered on to the stage. Cheesy. Their outfits were awful too. They wore black and white contrasting blazers with silver sparkly trainers which seemed to have little wings on them. Disgusting. They sang Robbie Williams Rock DJ which is a terrible song to start with so they didn't have much to work with. They were energetic dancing around but seemed to miss a few words here and there. Cheryl said that John and Edward can't sing, fact and its not their fault they're in the last 12. Oh the irony. Simon Cowell said it was a musical nightmare and that for them to win the competition it would be a disaster. He also said the only reason Louis put them through is because they're Irish despite the fact that no one in Ireland can vote. They kept flashing up the X Factor phone numbers as well but thankfully no one did the pretend phone hand thing begging for a vote. Give it time though. By week three they contestants won't care about pride or how much money you'll have to spend on a phone call for them its all about the votes!

Joseph McElderry was the next contestant singing Robbie Williams No Regrets. He was quite dull but did a decent version. Simon Cowell said Joseph McElderry was brilliant and a little dark horse. Joseph McElderry had this really ugly tan jacket on with a plaid shirt and hoody. I'm not sure if Joseph McElderry is someone who could be a commercial success? There is a bit of the Gareth Gates about and he did well as far as record sales and making money went so you never know. I'm sure Simon Cowell has a grand plan on how to cash in on him!

Danyl Johnson was sensational, he still has to be the favourite to win the competition. He's streets ahead of anyone apart from Miss Frank at this stage. They made a big deal about him singing a diva song for a women. The song was Jennifer Hudson's And I'm Telling You. He kept his outfit simple with a black jacket and white t shirt. Danyl Johnson was the only X Factor contestant I saw all night who didn't duck the high notes, he was excellent. Louis started off by saying he was too over confident and Danyl doesn't have the likeability factor which is a bit of a joke with him putting the Irish Twins through. Anyway, to perhaps my favourite part of tonight's show. Dannii Minogue tried to make a joke of Danyl Johnson's sexuality, he's gay or bisexual or something it doesn't really matter but Dannii felt the need to point this out and it totally bombed. Her exact quote was "if we're to believe everything we read in the papers there's no need for you to change the gender of the song". God knows what went through her head that told her it was a good idea to say this. Simon actually asked her to clarify it and she said it again. What does Danyl Johnson's sexuality have to do with anything? It's not really there for Dannii Minogue to make jokes about! When she said it you could actually see the tumbleweeds drifting by and Simon looked unsurprisingly irked. He actually told her off by saying that she shouldn't try to play these silly games. I felt bad for Danyl Johnson he looked a bit shocked by the comment and you could see he was getting upset. He actually mouthed back at Dannii that he wasn't ashamed...about what he is I guess? The crowd didn't like it either with a bit of booing going on. Simon said it was one of the best performance's he's ever heard and I have to agree. I can't see anyone challenging Danyl Johnson for the X Factor 2009 crown. You can almost see the pound signs flash in Simon Cowell's eyes with this guy he's going to make money for him on a serious scale.

Results of who's kicked out of the first X Factor 2009 live audition come tomorrow!

X Factor 2009 Live Auditions Episode 1 - Results

I'll cut to the chase, Kandy Rain got kicked out quite deservedly. Who knows how they managed to get through this far. They were up for going home with Rachel Adedji. Louis Walsh was absent because of Stephen Gately's untimely death. Simon Cowell paid tribute to Stephen Gately at the start of tonight's show. Dermot O'Leary opened with a snazzy black pine stripe suit with black tie and white shirt. The contestants came out singing that awful Black Eyed Peas song I Gotta Feeling which is just dreadful. It all was a bit strange with some of the contestants seemingly fighting for the camera. Olly Murs, Jamie Archer and Danyl Johnson were all battling it out. Then Graziella Affinita muscled in. This girl just has to hog the limelight. The weird thing was all the contestants wore different outfits tonight then when they were at the elimination stage they all changed back to last nights outfits? This is probably just as well since John and Edward were dancing around in white jeans and shirts. Awful. I'm glad to say Stacey Solomon had her curly hair back which suits her much better than straight hair.

Alexandra Burke was the first guest performer. The funniest thing about this was that she was miming horribly the whole time. Why get the winner of X Factor 2008 on then have her mime and pretend she's singing. Shame on you Alexandra Burke! Flo Rida was out to help her with her single Bad Boys. Alexandra Burke was wearing a gold coin chain link shingle dress. Back to the judges and Dannii Minogue apologised for last nights shameful comments about Danyl Johnson's sexuality. She actually had the cheek to suggest that she had been joking with Danyl before the audition and that he took the comments in good fun. Anyone who watched last nights show will know this is utter lies. Danyl was almost in tears and you could see him saying that he's not ashamed of what he is! We're supposed to believe he took it all in good faith? Come on, I think they're trying to sweep this whole thing under the carpet. Even Simon Cowell was in on the cover up saying nothing was meant with it. Sack her! She's useless anyway. Cheryl Cole has made her redundant.

Robbie Williams was up next with his latest atrocity. At least he sang live. He looked really spaced out at the end all wired to the moon. Perhaps he was just fired up from the performance heaven forbid I suggest Robbie Williams has been up to something else...hmm. Oh yeah, back to the contestants. Louis voted for Kandy Rain (even though he wasn't there), the two girls voted to send Kandy Rain home and Simon voted to send Rachel Adedji home. Weird. This took us to deadlock ouuu! This was flashed up on screen behind Dermot so we went to the number of public votes each person got. Not surprisingly Kandy Rain got the least and got kicked out. Rachel Adedji looked shocked and a bit pissed off to even be there I can't say I blame her. Kandy Rain sang Stronger by Christina Aguilera to stay in the competition but it didn't do them any good. Good choice Great Britain.

Next week Cheryl Cole will perform her dreadful solo single and Whitney Houston will be performing. I'm looking forward to seeing what effects being married to Bobby Brown has had on her voice.